I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
