apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
