she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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