In the future we'll all be gay
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
