Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
