True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
BRING THE BAGELS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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