I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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