if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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