Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
