I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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