how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
