what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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