How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
