i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
