My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
