The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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