i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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