Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
