dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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