well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm passing your future prison.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
