I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
