3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
