How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
3pm strippers are depressing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
