You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
