i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize