Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
