he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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