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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I need moral support for this bender
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids