And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
