True but thats because hes a fetus.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.