I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.