I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible