just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The power of my boobs compel you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
