So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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