I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
