check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
