seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
