i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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