It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
