All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A+ Viking dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
