Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
3pm strippers are depressing
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
