He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
