I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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