Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
