She is in my trunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
