He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
