he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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