Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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