If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
