i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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