I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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