pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the day after is always just damage control
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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