it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
