This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sex in a hospital.. check
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
