So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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