I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's never too late to be topless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
