I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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