I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
