We're like a lot better than the average bears
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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