cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i now understand why vodka
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
