Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
