i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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