oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
