He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
