New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
