Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize