Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just had sex on a roof
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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