Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
