Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
