I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
