i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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